Dionie McNair - Young Adult Fiction Author
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Dionie's Blog for Readers

Survival of the bullied

Flying with Broken Wings
 
 
Wings are fragile.
Mine first got broken at age three when my ballet teacher said, ‘she’s too fat to be a fairy’ 
and I learnt I was unacceptable.  
It was just a little break – maybe just a crack but it was enough to let the world know 
I was readied to be its victim.
The world obligingly reinforced this lesson with a lethal weapon of wing destruction; sexual abuse – the raping of a four year old body by a fourteen year old. 
To be held silent on the violation by vicious threats caused an inward cringe. 
The cringe that brought a barrage of bullying that tore the twisted remains of gossamer wings to shreds one word, one action at a time.
At seventeen I fluttered into marriage thinking I was finding love and acceptance, 
but at thirty seven I crawled away from his abuse, 
my wings nothing more than shattered stubs. 
Those who loved me tried to mend my wings and I did my bit one flutter at a time.
At fifty three I have learnt to fly with battle scarred wings
each held together with love, determination and tears. 
I know they aren't pretty and they will never heal completely. 
It will always be a battle to fly – to go in the direction I want to go, to achieve my goals, 
but I don’t care for I can finally fly.
Each day I draw on the love around me, offer myself small kindnesses, set my flight path 
find a tiny dash of self-acceptance to be the wind beneath my wings. 
Sometimes I fly high, sometimes I fly low and at others I crash dismally.
And each time I crash I get up, dust myself off, give myself a mental hug, paste a smile on my face and launch again 
because I will not let the cruelties of the past keep me grounded. 
For that is to let them win.







 

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